I would like to start off by saying that I am Asian. I am the first generation born here. I am Shanghainese. Now that I have covered my ass as far as cries of racism go, I will begin to explain why I hate Asians.

I do not really hate Asians. It is impossible to know what every Asian person is like. It is also ridiculous to believe that they are all the same. I do, however, believe that most of the Asians I have ever encountered in my life are very similar. For myself, who holds my individuality in high regard, I really abhor the idea of being exactly like any group of people. I have defined myself as an individual by separating myself from groups of people that are all similar, especially Asians. It's not just that they are similar. They are carbon copies of the person next to them, although never perfect, close enough to give me the chills. Let me begin by addressing a few areas.

Appearance:
When I talk about appearance, I am referring to appearance of any sort, from clothes, to hair, to makeup. Of course it is near impossible for an individual to own articles of clothing that no one else owns, but why do all Asians look the same? I'm sick of seeing pretty boy Asians everywhere. You're not going to meet anyone's parents, and you are not going to a job interview. Wear a fucking t-shirt and some sneakers sometime. Who are you trying to impress? As far as the hair goes, why does everyone have a fade? It used to be the cool thing to have spikes, which some people are still sporting. The new trend seems to be slicked back hair or semi-short hair combed forward, like impotent spikes in need of Viagra. Who made the rule that girls are not allowed to wear colors other than black and white? Are they afraid that if they wear color, they won't blend in with the rest of the crowd? As long as I'm on the subject of blending in, what the hell is up with those nasty hair streaks? They normally end up being puke orange. Sometimes they're done professionally and they get brown. Are they too scared to use a REAL color? Let's see some real color in the hair if you're going to streak it. I forgot. That would make you an outcast. The whole Asian girl wardrobe can be summed up by jeans, boots, heels, and those stupid bathrobe sweaters. I forgot one more thing. Who invented those foam bricks that they call sandals? Where is the flood? Stop lying to everyone. You're not that tall. Makeup is not something I am against at all. Makeup is something for the ugly girls to use to even up the score with the pretty girls. If they barn needs painting, you paint it. The problem arises when Asian girls try to build the whole barn out of paint. What the hell happened to their eyebrows? They completely remove their original eyebrows and draw in new ones as if people won't realize it's not real hair. I'm so tempted to go up to these girls, lick my thumbs and start rubbing...angry...confused...sad. Wow, I can control their emotions with some spit and friction.

Cars:
What is up with all the underpowered Japanese cars? Where is the other half of your engine? Oh, it's in your buddies car over there. There's nothing wrong with buying a little Japanese car. I just don't get why these are the cars they want, and when they have them, they talk about them like they are the fastest things in the world. To enhance the speed of their cars, they do all sorts of stupid modifications. Now they can't get over speed bumps but the wind isn't so much of a problem slowing their cars. Why do they have the big exhausts? Are they compensating for something? They just make it hard to vandalize. Now I have to get a watermelon to shove in the exhaust instead of a potato. That's not an easy task.

Speech:
I obviously indicate how Asians speak in terms of auditory perception because you are reading this, not hearing it. Let's just say that the girls are whiney. I can, however, write about the choice of words. The simplest way I can describe it is "ghetto speak." There is nothing wrong with "ghetto speak" if you grew up in the ghetto, but most Asians that I have met are not from the ghetto. Their parents normally quite well off. So if their parents are well off, why do they talk like little hoodlums? Their parents, or someone else further down in their family, were immigrants and climbed their way up the socioeconomicladder to give them a better life. Then what do the kids do? They slum? Let me move in with their parents if they want to be ghetto. They can be true homies. I'll be glad to live their cushy life.

Conclusion:
I'll leave it with those three categories for now, simply because I am too lazy to write more. There is nothing inherently wrong with being Asian. The problem for me lies in the lack of identity as an individual. So, don't be afraid to be Asian, just expect me to snicker when you drive up in your rice rocket full of other Asian clones.